This happens too much between major projects.

Dear Muse, Powers That Be, or Creativity-Inducing Whoever,

I hate to be ungrateful for the sudden-onset rush of creative mojo, but I'm at work right now. If you could maybe send me some creative mojo while I'm not at work, that would be fantastic.

And also, if you could send it for a project that's not fan fiction, I'd appreciate it.

Oh, and not for a project that I don't currently have on my to-do list, either. That means both those currently in some stage of existence and those that haven't yet been put to text. Like, say, the Fantasy Trilogy What Ate My Life? That's in hibernation. None of that. And don't go poking me about sequels to Or Your Money Back, because unless a publisher picks that up and asks for more, I'm not doing them.

So, to recap, bad things to send me include:

• fanfic
  
• sequels for things
• ideas for hibernating projects
• strong urges to ditch everything and write between the hours of 8-5, Monday through Friday
• everything you have been giving me, basically
  

Good things to send me include:

• short story writing mojo
  
• OYMB revision ideas/motivation
• better time management skills
  
• chocolates

Are we clear? Good. Thanks for your time.

Love (potentially),
a writer

Touching base with a few characters

Dear Tiern,

I am not neglecting you. I promise. I'm at the tail end of a work-intensive semester, and I'd rather put your current chapter down for a few weeks than rush through it and churn out pages of crap that I'll regret later. In addition, your very, very long story is coming to an end. Figuring out how all the ends tie up takes a lot of mental percolation, so I'm doing that right now, even though I'm not writing you. This work is just as important as the actual writing.

So please stop complaining that I've left you hanging. It's only going to be for a little while longer, and it's not even that bad a spot in the story to be waiting in - you have beer and appetizers, for crap's sake! Besides, you survived being left in the midst of awkward revelations in J's kitchen for almost two years when I started college. This should be a cake walk.

Love and minor strangulation,
Your writer

P.S. I'm still debating giving you a sex scene in this book. Stop pestering me about this little hiatus, and maybe you'll get it.

------

Dear Seb,

You were a real, live character to me from the first line I scribbled down, your story is quirky and engaging, I adore the cast you've surrounded yourself with, and to top it all off, you're the most polite, easy to write narrator I've ever worked with.

Please hold on a little longer, sweetie. You're my summer project, and I am so excited to write you. (Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if your story became my first published novel. Don't rub that in with Tiern, though - I think he's already jealous.)

Premature love,
Your soon-to-be writer

------

Dear Sunshine, Kat, and Ronnie,

Have you seen my project list for this summer? Please chill. I will write you when I get a chance.

If you really want to speed things up, go help Seb with his romance plot. Dude needs all the help he can get.

Hugs, sympathy, and flicks on the ear (respectively),
Your eventual writer

An open letter to the chopping block fan club

Dear characters,

The chopping block is not a toy. If you have a really good idea for how you might die in a plot-relevant and emotionally significant way, you may step up to the chopping block and state your case. I will hear you out, and in rare cases, I might accept your proposal and leave you on the chopping block to be killed off as you wish.

The chopping block is NOT to be used for the following purposes:

• finding out how I'd kill you off in...this situation? Well, what about...this one? Or hey, what about...this one?
• depressing me to make me listen to that Aimee Mann song you like
  
• getting a sneak peek at who else is on the chopping block (which you can't know for real, anyway, given how many of you are up there dicking around at any given time)
  
• proposing your own dramatic six-page dying monologue
• seeing if I have the guts to kill you off (aside to first-person POV protagonist: that's not funny)
  
• hosting picnics with dead characters from the last book/short stories I've written/old seasons of Supernatural
  
• trampolining

These behaviors are unacceptable. If they continue, the chopping block will be cordoned off and none of you will get to play around with fun death scenes that weren't on the novel outline. All this is really not making me eager to return to your story. Please knock it off.

Yours (unfortunately),
the author