Confessions of a project shark

I have a history of taking on too many creative projects. And by "a history" I mean "an ongoing, near-compulsive habit." To badly mangle a quote from Glee, I'm a project shark - if I stop moving, I die. I have conversations like this a lot:

Me: "Oh god, I'm going to die of busy! Too many projects!"
Kiah: "Didn't you say you weren't taking on any new projects, like a month ago?"
Me: "Yes."
Kiah: "And didn't you then knit yourself a new hat?"
Me: "That was hardly a project. It was just one ball of sock yarn!"
Kiah: "And then didn't you set an unreasonable deadline for yourself on that one story?"
Me: "Yeah, but I should've been able to revise ten thousand words in a week."
Kiah: "...And then didn't you agree to illustrate a children's book for a hospital?"
Me: "Hey, that book is about an EAGLE whose favorite hobby is SMILING and it's gonna be EPIC."
Kiah: "All I'm saying is maybe you should cut back on the projects."
Internal John Locke: "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!"
Me: "Yeah, what he said."

2010 so far has been The Year Of Not Meeting Deadlines, and that has forced me to reexamine the way I collect projects. My biggest problem is unreasonable expectations. I think I can do everything at once - and I hate to admit that I can't. So I listen to the little Locke voice in my head and think, "Hey, yeah, I can totally get both those novels written in one summer!"

No, I can't. I have limits as a writer.

I also have limits on my time, which is my other blind spot. I work 40 hours/week and spend another 10 minimum doing school stuff. Add to that creative projects, downtime after a busy workday, and the social life of someone who's trying very hard not to become a hermit who will be eaten by her pack of yapdogs...and I don't have much time for sleep, much less new projects. But the more I want to be done with school, the more I find myself imagining my life as it will be after graduation - no homework, less stress, and a vast stretch of hours open for creative pursuits. And then, when it comes time to prioritize things, I find myself planning for the creative life I want, not the one I have.

This past weekend was an eye-opener for me. WisCon is a place with a high level of creative energy, and many of the attendees are writers. While talking with other writers, I kept thinking, "How are these people able to manage their lives, jobs, and writing? Why can't I?"

(Internal John Locke: "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!")

The answer is, of course: I can. It will just require work. And taking responsibility for my own priorities. And sacrificing some projects I would like to do right now to make more space for the projects I know I can do right now.

The night I got home from con, I faced the wipeboard that contains my current project list and picked up an eraser. After several swipes and one loooong hesitation, I pared the list down from 10-12 items to this:

• Revise auction story (10k words)
  
• First draft of Wendigo Girls novel (60-70k words)
  
• Finish the multi-chapter fanfic I've been working on (20-30k words)
  
• Illustrate Eddy the Eagle book (24 pages of simple illustrations)
  

Conspicuously absent from this list is the final book of the Fantasy Series What Ate My Life, which took me multiple tries to work up the guts to erase. I've wanted to finish it for years, and I'm ready for it to be done, but given my limitations this summer, I'm not going to rush it. I've been working on that story for almost twelve years, and it's not going to suddenly fizzle and die because it has to wait another few months to get dedicated writing time.

I have other, smaller projects cataloged in a mental list of things I can do as well, but those have no deadlines. They'll get done, for sure - I find that with fiber arts projects especially, I work better if I don't set ETAs for myself - but I'll work on them without expectations. I'm hoping I can turn 2010 into The Year Of Finding A Balance.

A letter to 2010, with visual aids

Dear 2010,

Where is my flying car? I was told by now there would be flying cars, and so far you have disappointed me. Hell, I'm not picky - a hoverboard will do in a pinch. But something needs to fly me to work.

Especially since 2009 left this in front of my door:


I'm not even going to show you what's on the stairs.

I don't mean to speak ill of your brother, 2010, but you've gotta admit, he had kind of a jerky sense of humor. I mean, trying to trap me inside my apartment with a layer of ice on the welcome mat, just days after Christmas? The welcome mat. Come on.

And before that, when 2009 killed the hard drive on my laptop in the middle of a semester, in the middle of several writing projects? And then, less than six months later, when he killed the logic board while I was in the middle of a novel revision? I had the same instructor both terms, so I couldn't even use "my computer ate it" as an excuse without looking like a liar.

So many people I know labeled 2009 the Year of Suck, I can't even count them all. And parts of the year really sucked for me, too. But there were upsides, especially in the realm of projects.

2009 was the year that I finished my first novel that wasn't about Tiern. It was the year I designed my first knitwear pattern (and the second, which I swear I'm still working on!). It was the year I started spinning and bought my lovely wheel, Mal, who's still one of my favorite things I own. It was the year that rekindled my love of fan fiction, which in turn brought a weird sense of balance to my writing. It was the year I got my own apartment, which immediately filled with wool and notebooks.

2009 was also the year I met scads of friends online - most notably on the Very Longest Thread on Ravelry, an epic chat made up of people so friendly and accepting that they made me feel supported in everything I did. (Here's to a millionth post in 2010, Fredizens!)

So, 2010. I think we need to sit down and make some agreements.

You see this shiny little MacBook Pro? His name is Tony Stark, and he's less than a week old. His external hard drive (not pictured because the stacks of CDs I've been importing into iTunes are hiding it) is Jarvis. Please keep them in good condition through the following year. 2009 was a total fucker to me regarding technology. Don't be like him.


This is the manuscript I finished in late 2009. This year, I want to clean it up to the point where I can send it out to literary agents. I realize that whether or not it piques their interest is totally not up to me, but maybe you could give them a little nudge? This is the first time in my life I've had what feels like a genuinely salable novel in my hands, so if ever there was a time for me to have stunningly good luck regarding the publishing industry, this year would be it.


In 2010, I'm going to finish a couple of different novels. One is a this young adult fantasy thing that shouldn't take long - maybe January and February.


The other is the final book in the Fantasy Series What Ate My Life (not pictured due to sheer bulk). I've got a couple other projects I'm interested in writing, but these are the main two. If I get them done during you, 2010, I'll be ridiculously pleased with myself. Please don't prevent me.

I'm going to finish my Sylvi coat during you as well - preferably before it gets warm again. It's been sitting on my desk so long that apartment wildlife have begun to view it as a natural part of the landscape.


Now, 2010, I'm not going to bog you down entirely with major goals and pressure.

For instance, can we just agree that spinning is awesome and should continue unhindered? I won't make any goals for spinning in 2010, because I want nothing more than to keep enjoying it.


And mittens! I'd love to finish these Cotton Reel Mittens I've been knitting, but I don't actually need them until maybe next fall. Also, they don't have to be of any particular quality, since I'm new to colorwork, the yarn is all scraps, and I kind of love the idea of having a pair of idiosyncratic but adorable mittens.


And I would like to DIG UP A DINOSAUR! But that's not a major deal, either, as you can see.


So far, 2010, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You've been doing a pretty good job. I kicked you off at an awesome New Year's party, dancing to ridiculous music and wearing a fedora. I've gotten a lot of sleep in your first few days, and even so I managed to catch the sunrise yesterday morning. I watched The Princess Bride with the Fredizens and started reading the book aloud to Hobbes (something I've been meaning to do for years).

And there was doodling!


And a great discovery!


(Dunking the cookies in Nutella cancels out the ridiculous "health" notion they advertise and makes them totally NOM.)

So, 2010, I think you'll be fine. Keep being laid back and fun. Don't let anything major break. Be kind.

And for the love of all that is good and holy, don't listen to 2009. He's a bad influence.

Love,
Nicole


P.S.

Project logic is not like our earth logic.

This is my thought process when it comes to projects:

1. Do I have enough projects?
>No/No? (If No, proceed to 2.)

2. Do I have time for another project?
>Yes/No? (If Yes, proceed to 4. If No, proceed to 3.)

3. Hey, isn't there that time of day when I'm usually sleeping/eating/running errands/doing laundry? Couldn't I just cut back on that?
>What a brilliant idea!/Do it do it do it! (If What a brilliant idea!, proceed to 4. If Do it do it do it!, proceed to 4.)

4. Do this project. Am I dead yet?
>Yes/No? (If Yes, inform parents. If no, return to 1.)

So it shouldn't be any surprise that my project list for the next three months looks like this:

• Revise Or Your Money Back
• Research market for OYMB, including coming up with a list of literary agents to send it to
• Draft query letter, synopses, and anything else needed for said literary agents
• Various write-ups for OYMB independent study
• Finish Sylvi coat (currently 1/3 done)
  
• Finish Snapdragon Tam for me
• Finish writing and sizing Max hoodie pattern
• Design and knit a zip-up cardigan for my dad for Christmas
  
• Finish a painting
• Write a short story (or five)
• Knit landlord a hat for Christmas
• Knit landlady socks for Christmas
• Knit my brother a weird hat for Christmas
• Finish a Swallowtail shawl for my grandma for Christmas
• Woodburn something for my grandpa for Christmas
• Knit my mom a Scotty's Hat for Christmas
• Semi-secret spinning project for my stepmom for Christmas
• Super-secret collaborative Christmas gifting project
• Work on Sum? (Probably not.)

Oh, and laundry, because I keep letting it pile up.

The Great Summer 2009 Project List

Writing and Reading

Or Your Money Back (scifi novel) - first draft, expecting around 80k words. This is my #1 priority project.

Sum (fantasy novel) - first draft, ongoing. Won't be done for awhile.

Wendigo Girls (YA fantasy novel with endearingly lame working title) - first draft, will pay this proper attention once OYMB's draft is done. A really fun backburner project.

Sixth (fantasy novel) - revision. Again. Cripes. Don't know if I'll get to this one this summer.

Short stories - I'm aiming for an average of one complete (at least second draft) short story every month over the summer. We'll see.

Bookalanche 2009 - ongoing. Will aim for one book a week, when possible.


Crafts

Random for-fun projects currently in progress - lots. None of them have deadlines for just that reason.

Scotty's Hat take 2 - a revision of the Scotty's Hat pattern to include four panels instead of two. Currently in progress, will add to the existing pattern once I've got it right.

Novel knits - Sum sweater is ongoing, Sylvi coat (OYMB's tandem project) is all wound up and ready to go.

Max hoodie - a hoodie based on Max's costume in the upcoming and gorgeous looking movie adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. A knit-along with Kate, due to be finished by the time the movie comes out in October.

Snow White hoodie - a bastardized version of the fabulous Snow White pattern, wherein I plan to make the sleeves half-length, add a zipper up the front, and stick a hood on top.

Wood burning - whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it. It's my laziest hobby (and also the nicest smelling).


All Else

Increase my independence, hippie style - I'm going to attempt a small vegetable garden in planters on the deck of my new apartment. My dad, a veteran veggie gardener, has agreed to help with this. I'm also trying out hand-washing with a hand crank machine and a low-energy electric spin dryer, and I plan to learn to cook more things from fresh ingredients so I can reduce my need for overpackaged products.

Exercise - I'm going to make an effort at more walking and running, more crunches on the Ab Torture Device my uncle invented, and maybe pick up a new form of exercise, like Calvinball or yoga.

The Great (Very Bad) Supernatural Bathroom Decorating Scheme - I intend to decorate the bathroom in my new apartment like one of the tacky themed motel rooms on Supernatural. Between Goodwill, Target's bath aisle, and the internet, there is enough ugly retro crap available that I'm completely confident that I can reproduce one of those rooms on a budget.


So, those are my summer projects, in a nutshell. There's no way I'll actually get through them all, but I can at least aim high, seeing as I'm not taking a summer course this year. But this week right now is for inanity, as far as writing goes. I'm going to relax and cleanse my palate from the school year with some really dumb crap just for fun. That, and knitting in front of the TV. Good times.

The mid-semester project accumulation

Between my computer's near-death experience, work stuff, and a lovely tendonitis flare-up in my right wrist, I haven't gotten much done all week, and there's not gonna be a sketch. Instead, here's what I've got on my plate at the moment, in my free time:

• First draft of Sum (novel #3 in the fantasy trilogy) - still moored at the 1/3 point
• The Sum sweater, which stitches dropped and twisted
  
• First draft of The London Party, an apocalyptic novel whose beginning I'm writing for class - a few short chapters laid out
• Reading three books outside of class - Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente, Beowulf: A New Telling by Robert Nye, and Tex by S.E. Hinton (reading this one aloud to the muppet-dog, who seems to be enjoying the attention)
  
• Three pairs of socks on the needles - Feather the Waves Socks (relegated to a drawer in my office as a work-only project as punishment for taking too long), Two for His Heels in knee sock form, and a pair of toe-up Monkeys knit two on one circ, also intended to be knee socks (knit-along with Bex unintentional this time).
• The famous (and lovely) Swallowtail Shawl - well over halfway done, but as it gets wider my mind starts wandering
• Spinning - oh so very doomed. So very, very doomed. (Pics to come later - many went with the deceased hard drive)
  
• My Haruha scarf - the only project I've been able to consistently work on since the tendonitis ate my wrist early this week. It's simple, relaxing knitting, and lookit the pretty:
  

I love that zig-zag thing the darker shades are doing. Love love love. I think I'll go work on that now.

In which I am germy, big things are about to (hopefully) go down, and my brother is my hero.

I have contracted some sort of froggy-throated death cold. Usually I only get desperately sick about twice a year, and the rest of the time I get colds, they're short-lived annoyances that have me bringing a small stash of pills to work. Well, guess what? All those little annoying colds I've had this last year completely used up my reserves of cold/flu/plague pills, and by the time I realized I had no meds on hand with which to fight the germs, I was too sick to slog out of the house and buy more.

Yesterday I begged cold meds off a generous roommate. Today I tried not to be such a mooch, but after missing work and spending most of my day whimpering quietly between coughing fits, I called my little brother, and he fetched me something with "Severe Cold" on the box. While in the middle of a busy day. While he already had his own cold to deal with.

You see why that boy gets so many hand-knit gifts from me?

So, I haven't gotten a lot of writing or knitting done. Or much else, for that matter. Mainly, this is because of the sick, but I've also got some other big things occupying my mental energy at the moment. Here's what I've had on my plate this past week:

• Finishing "Or Your Money Back" and "No and the Walking House" for my Clarion application (hopefully I'll find time to do the app sometime this week)
• Taxes, and the faulty e-file systems that accompany them
• Apocalypses - the class I just started last Thursday - and the reading that goes along with it
• Snow White sweater, still waiting at about 90% done
  
• Two for his Heels socks - a pattern I'm test-knitting for my friend Bex
• House hunting (aaaaaaa), because I'm looking at co-buying a place (AAAAAA) with a friend in the next couple of months (AAAAAAAAA)
• Reading Twilight, because everyone I know who's read the books has either loved or hated them, and this bizarre no-gray-area phenomenon has me intrigued
  

Can you guess which of these things has been keeping my obsessive little brain preoccupied with thoughtsplosions? (Hint: it's not Twilight.)

Anyway. That's what I've been up to. Here's a picture of the sock in progress:


Man, I am pale. Maybe I'm a vampire! That would be pretty cool, because then people would use words like "dazzle" and "smolder" to describe me, instead of "snorky" and "high on cold meds."

Out, off, away

I love long bus rides. When I sit down on a Greyhound bus, my shoulders go slack and all the tension from my daily life seeps away. I can't read, write, or knit in moving vehicles without feeling sick, so I have nothing to do but listen to music on the bus. This should make my rides boring, but instead I adore them. In everyday life, I'm always supposed to be paying attention to something, whether it's a project at work or a bad scifi movie at home. I rarely relax fully at home, even when I'm vegging on the couch. On a bus, though, I can't do anything. So I put on my headphones, queue up a band I know well, and watch the scenery slide by. A masseuse couldn't get this level of relaxation out of me.

I'm on vacation for the week. This is where I've been hanging out since yesterday. My aunt and uncle's house in northern Wisconsin is my favorite retreat. Every inch of this house has been modified to suit their needs and aesthetic - from the hand-made shelving to the multiple additions - and the walls are covered with my aunt's artwork. I walk inside and am immediately struck with an urge to create something.

Unfortunately, this time that urge didn't extend to writing. I have a short story on my harddrive waiting for an ending, but instead of working on it, I've been sitting in a patch of sunlight, knitting my Snow White sweater and chatting with my aunt. It's currently sort of a Snow White tube top.


But that fit? Perfect. It's at the point where I need to set down the body and knit the sleeves, and I've promised that short story I won't cast-on the sleeves until I've written a proper ending.

Projects I've got to work on while I'm here:

• "No and the Walking House"
• Novel #3 (currently stuck in the midst of chapter seven)
  
• Snow White sweater

And one book to finish reading - The Bone People by Keri Hulme.

But for now, I hear my name being called for dinner.

Kicking this off with the usual internet fare

This is my dog.The cold makes his old joints hurt, and I let his hair grow out so he wouldn't need to be stuffed paws-first into sweaters, so at the moment he's sort of a curmudgeonly muppet-creature. He just walked outside and planted his entire face in the snow bank for no good reason, so I thought I'd take a picture and post it on the internet. I understand this is the standard protocol with pet pictures.

I promise this blog won't be entirely about my curmudgeonly muppet-dog. Mostly it will be about my projects.

Here's what I have going at the moment:

• Novel #3 (Sum), third book in a fantasy trilogy I've been working on since high school. I'm about 1/4 into this one. The characters are behaving so far, which is a nice change of pace.
• "No and the Walking House," a short story, currently drafting.
• "Or Your Money Back," another short story, currently in revision.
• Both of these short stories are going into my application for the Clarion 2009 Workshop, which is a bit of a project in itself.
  
• No Tears Socks for my roommate, a belated Christmas present. (A deceptively named pattern - there have been many tears shed on this project, most of them right after I've poked myself with size 1s while cabling.) One down, one to go.
  
• Feater the Waves Socks for myself. I don't know what the name means, either, but they're very pretty. One down on this pair, too.
  
• A Snow White sweater for myself. I've been wanting to make this sweater for months, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ysolda Teague. The cast-on for this sweater was four rows of bewilderment, but I'm an inch into it and I'm already in love. Helps that I'm using Malabrigo.
  
• A Haruha scarf for myself, in gorgeous red and orange yarn that makes it look like it's on fire. This is a long-term project that's sitting by my bedside waiting to get worked on when I have a free half-hour. I'm usually listening to Savage Love while I knit it, so this scarf may also be a pervert. It's only about three inches long now. (That's what she said.)
• A wood burning of Dr. Horrible, which is sitting half-done in my art closet. Wood burning, for those who haven't tried it, is the most badass of the 2D arts. You take red-hot metal to wood and draw with the charred remains. The resulting image is sort of rustic and classy at the same time.
  
• A scarf made out of spare audio cables at my work, knitted with two #2 pencils taped to a cable to make circs. This is how MacGuyver would knit (if he worked university tech support over Christmas break).
  
• A pair of improvised slippers, which I'm about to frog because they're being very disagreeable.
  
• Two pairs of mittens which are currently stuffed into cubbies in my room because I have Second Mitten Syndrome something terrible.
• Another sweater, complicated, largely self-designed, and full of cabling, which is waiting on back-ordered yarn.
  
• Peter Apterix, a potential webcomic I've been working on at Black Hat Collective meetings. It's about a little kiwi bird who gets fired from his accounting firm in Minneapolis for not wearing pants. It's a legal drama. And also a romance. And there might be drug trafficking. The whole thing is done in ink and watercolor, and I'll be testing the medium for a while to see if it's feasible before anything goes online.
• And in the very background, I've got mental plotting going for a handful of novels, another comic (two?), and a creative nonfiction book celebrating zombies as a cultural phenomenon.
  

And that's what I've got going at the moment. Snippets about all of these projects (and more! Call now, toll free!) will show up here more than occasionally.

The muppet-dog may make a cameo every so often, too.