The best thing

Bex is staying over this weekend while we put a new finish on her spinning wheel. Inspired by the stacks of moving boxes in my room, today we built a fort, using boxes as walls and cartoon bedsheets for the roof. We also made a double-and-a-half batch of Amish friendship bread, on top of our already amazing grilled cheese lunch and taco dinner. When it started to rain tonight, Bex, Kiah, Abby, and I went outside and walked around the block barefoot in our pajamas. The walk turned into a wild rumpus, as most things involving pajamas outdoors do.

So now I'm sitting in a fort in my room with Bex and Kiah, eating Amish friendship bread and drying off from the rain while Kiah colors with crayons. The cuff of the Sylvi I finally cast-on today is sitting nearby, the new Twist Collective issue is up, and a fan is blowing on me.

There are too few words for happy in the English language, guys.

Sketchy - Dev vs. the firefighting llama, Luca on a post-it

To my "What should I sketch?" conundrum today, Bex answered, "A llama. That is also a firefighter. And has a secret obsession with digital watches." When I asked for a character to pose with the llama, she gave me Dev, my millionaire hermit/bully.

This is what happened:
Fun fact: neither of them wears pants on a regular basis.

And to keep this from being completely ridiculous (too late!), here's a sketch of Luca, one of the main characters from my summer project. I've been struggling to pin her character design down for weeks in my sketchbook and digital paintings, but the moment I started doodling on a post-it note, there she was.

Well, that was neat.

Yesterday when I sat down to work on my summer writing project, the other novel I'd been stuck on since February butted in, wanting to be worked on. This novel, Sum, had been acting like a giant butt for much of its first draft, and for that I put it on hiatus a while back. I didn't expect to make more than a couple hundred words of progress on it, max.

So I was kind of shocked to end up finishing the scene I'd been stuck on for ages, adding two new scenes - including one that was a tricky turning point - and reorganizing my notes and outline to throw out a bunch of scenes that weren't necessary, paring the next few chapters down to manageable lengths. And the whole time, the story kept its complaints to itself, and the characters refrained from whining about death scenes. The whole thing was fun and easy and left me with a stronger sense of direction for this story than I've had in months. I'm not planning on making it my top priority again anytime soon, but damn was that a nice surprise.

Like comparing apples to giant mutant apples

Well, I'm all hatted out and ready for a change of topic. How about you?

Today marks the first day of my Very Serious First Draft Writing Period, in which my primary goal is to work up a solid first draft of Or Your Money Back, the novel on the table. Last night I kicked off the VSFDWP by sketching out an outline based on writer Jennifer R. Hubbard's useful post on outlining. Hubbard suggests jotting down a quick ten-chapter outline to get the main events of the book spread out, so I did.

I was nervous starting out this exercise, because I didn't think I could do it. The novels I've written previously are sprawling, cantankerous giants that couldn't easily be condensed into ten main events. Their preliminary outlines spanned multiple pages. So, up to this point, I have always written these unweildy monsters of books, and I wasn't sure I had it in me to condense a novel into such a short space. But after a few minutes of outlining, it became apparent that this novel is going to be very, very different from my previous stuff.

Previous novels average:

• 22 chapter preliminary outline
• 11 subplots
  
• 230,000 word first draft

(Yeah, I know. I told you they were monsters.)

Or Your Money Back:

• 10 chapter preliminary outline - it fit easily
  
• 2 subplots
• max 100,000 word first draft (expecting closer to 70k)

Also, while writing the sprawling monster-books, I couldn't see quite where they were going when they started, how the characters would change, or what the books' endings would be like. Writing those books was all about the journey, with no concrete destination in sight. For OYMB, I've already got a pretty good notion of how the major events play out and how the characters change. The last scene is written down in my notebook, and I'm looking forward to that ending.

Really looking forward to it. I've never written a happy ending to a longer story before. And not only is this one happy - tonally, it's taking hints from The Shawshank Redemption's ending, which is my all-time favorite ending of anything. (Even catching the last five minutes of that movie on TV, I bawl like a sissy, but in a good way.)

Anywho, back to work.

On family photos

Sometimes family members buy into my dorkitude, and that makes for great family photos. Like my dad at my zombie Halloween party a couple years back:
And sometimes they want nothing to do with it. Like my little brother, today outside the theater, modeling hats:I'm not sure which I like better.

(If anyone's wondering, I have no dorky pictures with my mom. This is because she's so much dorkier than I am that it's truly embarrassing to be photographed beside her in her element.)

Scotty's Hat, four-panel version

This is the more accurate version of the pattern, with the four panels of garter stitch shown in the movie. Both versions require the same skills, gauge, and supplies, and can be modded in the same ways. Both hats also come to about a 21-22" head circumference and are stretchy enough to fit heads quite a bit bigger than that. There are a few differences, though. This version:

• uses more yarn (about 440 yards worsted weight - I used two skeins of Cascade 220 Heathers in Yakima Heather and didn't have much left over - still on size 9 needles)
• is a few inches longer, to make it more authentic
• has a less tapered tip - it's stubbier, like the tip of Scotty's hat in the movie
• has you make sections A and B twice, so any mods you make you'll need to make twice.

Many thanks to Woolly Wormhead for her advice on this version of the pattern!

If you're looking for the original two-panel version, click here.

Scotty's Hat (four-panel version)

Like the two-panel version, there are two sections to this hat, A and B. They're worked the same way as the sections in the two-panel version, but this time each panel is narrower, and you make four panels total (knitting A and B twice).


Section A

CO 22 st
K to end of row. Repeat this row until you have 21 inches of fabric. Now it's time to narrow your fabric toward the tip of your hat!

K1, k2tog, k to 3 st from end, k2tog, k1.
K to end of row.

Repeat these last two rows once. You will now have 18 st on the needles.

K1, k2tog, k to 3 st from end, k2tog, k1. Repeat this row 7 times, until you've got 4 stitches left on the needles. BO all stitches.

Section B

Choose your favorite side of section A and flip it so that's facing you, with the brim pointing toward you. Pick up all stitches along the left side of section A (one stitch per two rows - the exact number will vary based on your row gauge), starting at the brim of the hat and working toward the tip. K one row, starting from the tip. Now it's time to shape this wedge of fabric using short rows. Whoo, short rows!

K to 20 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 18 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 16 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 14 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 12 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 10 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 8 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 6 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 4 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 2 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to end (tip).

Half the wedge is knitted now, so it's time to start shaping the other side of it.

K to end (brim).
K to 2 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 4 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 6 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 8 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 10 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 12 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 14 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 16 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 18 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 20 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).

Loosely BO all stitches.

Next, knit sections A and B one more time.

Finishing

Seaming is a two-part process, because you'll seam the first 6" inside out. This way, you can wear your hat with anywhere from 3"-6" of the brim folded over without having the underside of a seam showing.
First, line up the edges of the brim so the left edge of section B and the right edge of section A are aligned (twice - the two pieces of fabric you've made should make up a tube, with the panels alternating: A, B, A, B). Pin the edges together. Flip the hat inside out and seam the first 6" of the brim using mattress stitch.

Second, flip the hat right-side out and continue seaming to the tip of the hat.

Repeat this process for the seam on the other side of your hat. If you find a small gap at the tip of the hat, draw the tail of your yarn through the stitches around the gap and pull it closed.

Weave in all ends.

Wear your Scotty hat while solving complex mathematical quandaries, beaming beagles through space-time, and eating sandwiches.

Spreading the love (and by love I mean catchy apocalyptic ditty)

The next time someone asks me what I like about my MFA program, I'm showing them this video. It's a song one of my classmates wrote and performed for his final presentation in Apocalypses. I'd never seen anyone get a standing ovation on a class presentation before, but man, he earned it.

For your viewing pleasure, here is Philip Simondet performing "In Case of Apocalypse, Break Glass."



The lyrics cover pretty much every end of the world scenario we studied in class, and then some.

Some unknown but fateful day, according to Revelation
all the angels up in Heaven will sing in celebration
for the time will have finally come for the great apocalypse
and as Jesus descends from the clouds, he'll look around
and say, "Hey, what the abyss?"

Because by the time He arrives
we will already have died
by some genocide or suicide
spread out the whole world wide
In pursuit of more wealth
with no regard for our health
we will all destroy the earth
and poison ourselves
An asteroid will smash the earth
if the volcanoes don't scorch it first
or maybe we'll just die of thirst
I'm not quite sure which is worse
But the ozone will be gone
something will go wrong
or maybe it will be World War III
where someone drops the bomb
But by the time He arrives
we will already have died
by some genocide or suicide
spread out the whole world wide

And though He will find himself on the planet all alone
He'll reign God's wrath down anyway, for it has been foretold
but every bowl and seal and trumpet blast won't be heard by anyone
and the horsemen will grow bored so fast, 'cause one fourth of none is none
Forget about 144,000 - there won't be a Jew to find
and no one to take the mark of the Beast, because no one will be...left behind

Because by the time He arrives
we will already have died
by some genocide or suicide
spread out the whole world wide
An AI robot mutiny
will wipe out every human being
or accumulating DDT will cause infertility
and if the aliens do come to
do whatever aliens do
we will surely succumb to
some crazy alien flu
And the ozone will be gone
something will go wrong
or maybe it will be World War III
where someone drops the bomb
But by the time He arrives
we will already have died
by some genocide or suicide
spread out the whole world wide

Now, this next little bit doesn't really fit,
but I think it's an allegory
so when you think of it, it's really quite a bit
like the Watchmen's pirate story
If you believe Ray Kurtzweil, everything will turn out well
when man becomes man-chine
and then the nano-bots, those glorious wee robots
will magically fix everything
And according to exponential boom, this oughtta happen pretty soon
Well, I don't mean to bubble-burst
but if you ask me, I think that we
will probably run out of oil first

And then by the time He arrives
we will already have died
by some genocide or suicide
spread out the whole world wide
In pursuit of more wealth
with no regard for our health
we will all destroy the earth
and poison ourselves
An asteroid will smash the earth
if the volcanoes don't scorch it first
or maybe we'll just die of thirst
I'm not quite sure which is worse
An AI robot mutiny
will wipe out every human being
or accumulating DDT will cause infertility
and if the aliens do come to
do whatever aliens do
we will surely succumb to
some crazy alien flu
But the ozone will be gone
something will go wrong
or maybe it will be World War III
where someone drops the bomb
But by the time He arrives
we will already have died
by some genocide or suicide
spread out the whole world wide

Yes, by the time He arrives
we will all have surely died
by some genocide or suicide
spread out the whole world wide
The whole world dies


This was easily the most enjoyable class I've ever taken. Great people, fascinating topics, and lots of freedom to pursue projects of interest. I love this program.

A lesson in characterization: my favorite Egyptian hacker

A question over on Nathan Bransford's blog got me thinking about my favorite characters. In previous years, if someone asked me who my favorite character in a novel was, I'd hem and haw about it for a good ten minutes and then come up with a comprehensive top five list. They'd all be from books I read in high school or early college, and it would flip from week to week who was at the top. Sam Gamgee for his tear-jerking loyalty? The narrator from Perks of Being a Wallflower for making me believe he's a real person while I'm reading? Max from Herman Hesse's Demian, for derailing my view of religion at an impressionable age? But now that more time has passed since I first read those books, the order has settled and one heavyweight champ has emerged victorious:

Christian "Mouse" El-Aref, from Lyda Morehouse's AngeLINK series.

Mouse is a literary triple threat: an engaging character with a great plotline who represents something bigger than himself. Also, I totally want to hang out with him.

This will give you a good picture of who Mouse is: he's introduced in the fourth book as the scrappy guy standing on a cafeteria table waving a bowl maniacally and challenging an archangel (who is also on the table, in kung fu pose) to a fight over a difference in opinion on tapioca pudding. "Say it," he's demanding. "Say it's crap!" And he wins.

By this point in the series Mouse is the well-known creator of a freeware version of the LINK, a very nearly successful world domination candidate, and a hacker criminal mastermind on the lam. But if the angel had talked up tapioca in front of him in book one I suspect his reaction would have been about the same. That is just who Mouse is - he sticks to his guns regardless of what kind of trouble doing that will land him in. And partly because of that, he's one of few characters who I pull for no matter what.

His story, like the rest of the stories in the AngeLINK universe, varies from everyday conflicts to epic End Times struggles for the fate of the world. His plots include a world domination scheme, jailtime, tussles with archangels over more than tapioca, a crush on the detective who's been hunting him, disputes with his goody-two-shoes AI, and of course that whole end of the world thing.

He's also, like the rest of the cast in these books, really well-written. There's a writing lesson in here. Lyda's characters work so well because of a combination of a few factors: strong-willed characters, significant descriptions, and varied dialogue. These characters banter, chat, have conversations ranging from insignificant to plot-vital, and they're all good reading because the characters' personalities and interpersonal conflict show through so strongly in dialogue.

The descriptions are inspiring to me because instead of saying, for example, that Mouse's hair is messy, you get a line about how his hair is trying to escape from his head at impossible angles. But the description isn't just there to give you a mental image - it also illustrates something important about the character. In the case of Mouse's crazy hair, it's the fact that he spent the night sleeping in a bathtub rather than sharing a bed with the woman he's in love with right down the hall - further evidence that this character has a habit of losing in matters he cares about, regardless of his intelligence or stubbornness.

And on top of all of this, Mouse can also be read as a symbol of something more. In a series that centers around a Western theocracy wherein only the vetted religious folks get hooked into the global network, he's a Muslim, a survivor of an era of electric blackout in Egypt, and an underdog who's single-handedly brought a free version of the global network to the downcast and the nonreligious. You could write a lot of essays about the thematic meanings behind Mouse (and lord help me, if I ever get an assignment where I can, I will).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say here, beneath the writer-fangirling, is that somewhere in Mouse lies a formula for a character that readers will love and remember. Mouse is multi-faceted. He's got significance in the story, masterful crafting, and entertainment value.

And he's right. Tapioca pudding is crap.

A prequel centered around Mouse and the Blackout years in Egypt is currently in the works, and every time I think about it I get this big dumb grin. If the characters I write can inspire half this level of excitement in readers someday, I will be thrilled.

Adventures with laundry and bad euphemisms

After today's display of laundry weirdness, I'm pretty sure my roommates are glad to (soon) be rid of me. When I got home from work, there were two big packages waiting for me* - a Wonder Wash hand crank washer and spin dryer I'd ordered a couple weeks back.

Yes, I'm going to start hand-washing my clothes. I found these machines online around the time my Apocalypses class was studying the impending peak oil crisis and the Transition Movement, and soon after I signed the lease for an apartment with no on-site laundry facilities. It seemed like a good time to try out these neat environmentally-friendly gadgets (and less than a third of the cost of the cheapest standard washer and dryer sets I was looking at, even with shipping). Also, I suck at doing my laundry the normal way - I hate lugging hampers around so much that my dirty clothes form a massive pile against the wall over the course of 4-6 weeks. It gets as tall as me sometimes.* I'm hoping that having more involvement in the process (and a much shorter process - more on that in a bit) will get me to enjoy it.*

So far, it's been pretty successful. And by "pretty successful" I mean "way more exciting than laundry should ever be for anyone, even a caveman frozen in ice, thawed in the 21st century, and shown a washing machine for the first time." I am just stupid over these machines. As soon as I got the Wonder Wash out of the box, I was assembling it, giggling madly, and preparing to do a test load. Which led me to proclaim, "I'm gonna do it on the table" and Kiah to respond with "That's what she said!" and thus began the torrent of "That's what she said"s.

Because y'know what? Once you get started down that slippery slope, it's really hard* to talk about the process of hand-washing your clothes without every other sentence becoming a euphemism. Statements like "This is so easy! I could crank this thing for hours!" were nigh impossible to express without giggling.

Anyway, the washing went well. The Wonder Wash has a large capacity for a hand-crank washer, and I was able to fit a sizeable amount of clothes into it. It was really easy - fill with water, add a bit of detergent (way less than usual), close up the lid, and crank for 1 - 2 1/2 minutes. The machine has a pipe doodad on the bottom to drain the dirty water, and all it takes is clean water and 30 seconds more cranking to do a rinse cycle. It takes more effort than the usual laundry process, but the time I spent doing it about equalled the time I spend on an average laundry day, between hauling clothes, wrestling with the basement monsters we call appliances, and washing my hand-knits, minus the annoying wait.

My first load came out awesome.**
(That's the washer and dryer sitting in the middle of everything, waiting for me to move into a place where they'll have permanent stations.)

The first load was made up of:

• One long-sleeved t-shirt
  
• One button-up shirt
  
• Four short-sleeved t-shirts
• Four tank tops
• One pair of boxers
• Five socks (How did I manage to lose a sock in a spin dryer?)
• A whole mess of underthings

It all fit with room to spare* and took very little detergent to get clean. I spent most of the cranking process - and the draining and rinsing, and the moving of clothes into the spin dryer, and really pretty much the entire time there was any sort of laundry machine in front of me - informing my roommates through squees, giggles, and flailing that I was washing my clothes. They informed me through eye-rolling that whoop-de-freaking-doo. Laundry fever, sadly, is not contagious.

I think my favorite part of the whole process is the spin dryer. It takes three minutes or less* to dry clothes to a not quite wearable but very nearly dry state, and in that time it goes like this: Hummmmm--wwwobblewobble--vvvvrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGROAAARRRRR. The "groar" is the last minute or so of the cycle, where the machine spins so fast it vibrates the Pergo. Kiah described it delightfully as "like a monster truck in the kitchen." I find these noises oddly endearing. (They're also fun to immitate!)

I can see this system working for me. The only complaint I have so far is with the packaging. These two eco-friendly machines made by a company whose mission is to help the environment came packed in so much styrofoam I could've built a second, completely ineffectual hand-crank washing machine out of it.

So, to sum up: Squeed about laundry machines, got styrofoam packing crumbs and laundry water all over the kitchen floor, interrupted Kiah's TV watching, produced copious "That's what she said!" jokes and horrendous monster truck noises, and squeed some more about laundry machines.

Yeah, the roommates are just counting down the days till I'm gone.

The pets, on the other hand, like me more now. I brought them their favorite thing: boxes.

That's a three foot deep box, by the way. He was in there for five hours before Abby finally took him out - and that was because she was going to bed, not because he actually wanted to leave the box.

* That's what she said.
**That's what he said. (I'm sorry! I can't stop!)

The Great Summer 2009 Project List

Writing and Reading

Or Your Money Back (scifi novel) - first draft, expecting around 80k words. This is my #1 priority project.

Sum (fantasy novel) - first draft, ongoing. Won't be done for awhile.

Wendigo Girls (YA fantasy novel with endearingly lame working title) - first draft, will pay this proper attention once OYMB's draft is done. A really fun backburner project.

Sixth (fantasy novel) - revision. Again. Cripes. Don't know if I'll get to this one this summer.

Short stories - I'm aiming for an average of one complete (at least second draft) short story every month over the summer. We'll see.

Bookalanche 2009 - ongoing. Will aim for one book a week, when possible.


Crafts

Random for-fun projects currently in progress - lots. None of them have deadlines for just that reason.

Scotty's Hat take 2 - a revision of the Scotty's Hat pattern to include four panels instead of two. Currently in progress, will add to the existing pattern once I've got it right.

Novel knits - Sum sweater is ongoing, Sylvi coat (OYMB's tandem project) is all wound up and ready to go.

Max hoodie - a hoodie based on Max's costume in the upcoming and gorgeous looking movie adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. A knit-along with Kate, due to be finished by the time the movie comes out in October.

Snow White hoodie - a bastardized version of the fabulous Snow White pattern, wherein I plan to make the sleeves half-length, add a zipper up the front, and stick a hood on top.

Wood burning - whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it. It's my laziest hobby (and also the nicest smelling).


All Else

Increase my independence, hippie style - I'm going to attempt a small vegetable garden in planters on the deck of my new apartment. My dad, a veteran veggie gardener, has agreed to help with this. I'm also trying out hand-washing with a hand crank machine and a low-energy electric spin dryer, and I plan to learn to cook more things from fresh ingredients so I can reduce my need for overpackaged products.

Exercise - I'm going to make an effort at more walking and running, more crunches on the Ab Torture Device my uncle invented, and maybe pick up a new form of exercise, like Calvinball or yoga.

The Great (Very Bad) Supernatural Bathroom Decorating Scheme - I intend to decorate the bathroom in my new apartment like one of the tacky themed motel rooms on Supernatural. Between Goodwill, Target's bath aisle, and the internet, there is enough ugly retro crap available that I'm completely confident that I can reproduce one of those rooms on a budget.


So, those are my summer projects, in a nutshell. There's no way I'll actually get through them all, but I can at least aim high, seeing as I'm not taking a summer course this year. But this week right now is for inanity, as far as writing goes. I'm going to relax and cleanse my palate from the school year with some really dumb crap just for fun. That, and knitting in front of the TV. Good times.

Scotty's Hat - the pattern

You know you're a tad knitting obsessed when you see the Star Trek movie and pay more attention to the construction of Scotty's hat than you do to the exposition.

This is the pattern for a hat based on Scotty's, knit flat in two connected panels of garter stitch going different directions. It takes a good deal of yarn, a bit of time, and quite a few picked up stitches, but in the end you'll have a delightfully squishy, floppy hat like Mr. Scott's. The pattern is pretty easy but incorporates a couple of non-beginner level techniques (short rows, picking up stitches), so I've included links to KnittingHelp.com tutorials. This pattern is free and is intended for personal, non-profit use.

The brilliant hat designer Woolly Wormhead has also come up with a pattern called Trekking, based on Scotty's hat in the movie but knit in the round. It's available here as a free Ravelry download.

The following pattern has two options: the original two-panel hat or a more accurate four-panel hat.

Big, big thanks to Beeca for proofing the pattern and the wonderful folks on Ravelry for their interest and encouragement!

Size: adult

Supplies needed: 350-440 yards worsted weight yarn, size 9 straight or circular needles (or size needed to obtain gauge), stitch markers or baby pins to pin edges together, tapestry needle

Gauge: about 16 stitches and 30 rows = 4" in garter stitch. If in doubt, go tighter - the garter stitch is very stretchy.

Skills needed: knitting, decreases, picking up stitches, short rows, seaming

Potential mods: This pattern should be pretty easy to mod. To make a longer hat, just knit the first part of section A for longer before starting decreases (this won't affect anything else in the pattern except your yarn usage). To make section B narrower, start and end the short rows at a smaller number (i.e. start short rows when you're 20 st from the end of the row instead of 22 and end them at 20 st from the end of the row as well).

Glossary, with links to tutorial videos:
CO - cast-on (I use long-tail cast-on, but any stretchy CO should work)
k - knit
st - stitch(es)
k2tog - knit two together, a basic decrease
pick up stitches - um, see this video. Or the Yarn Harlot's wonderful tutorial (with photos) here.
w&t - wrap and turn ("Short row with wrap" video near the bottom)
BO - bind-off
seam - use mattress stitch to sew two ends of fabric together invisibly

And now, on to the pattern!


Scotty's Hat (four-panel version) is available here.

Scotty's Hat (two-panel version):

There are two sections to this hat, A and B.
Section A

CO 60 st
K to end of row. Repeat this row until you have 16 inches of fabric. Now it's time to narrow your fabric toward the tip of your hat!

K1, k2tog, k to 3 st from end, k2tog, k1.
K to end of row.

Repeat these last two rows 15 times. This will decrease your stitches by half, leaving you with 30 st on the needles. Scotty's hat comes to sort of a rounded point, so for this last part of the tip, the decreases are more frequent.

K1, k2tog, k to 3 st from end, k2tog, k1. Repeat this row 13 times, until you've got 4 stitches left on the needles. BO all stitches.

Section B

Choose your favorite side of section A and flip it so that's facing you, with the brim pointing toward you. Pick up all stitches along the left side of section A (one stitch per two rows - the exact number will vary based on your row gauge), starting at the brim of the hat and working toward the tip. K one row, starting from the tip. Now it's time to shape this wedge of fabric using short rows. Whoo, short rows!

K to 22 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 20 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 18 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 16 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 14 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 12 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 10 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 8 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 6 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 4 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 2 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to end (tip).

Half the wedge is knitted now, so it's time to start shaping the other side of it.

K to end (brim).
K to 2 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 4 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 6 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 8 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 10 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 12 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 14 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 16 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 18 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 20 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).
K to 22 st from end (tip), w&t.
K to end (brim).

Loosely BO all stitches.

Finishing

Seaming is a two-part process, because you'll seam the first 6" inside out. This way, you can wear your hat with anywhere from 3"-6" of the brim folded over without having the underside of a seam showing.
First, line up the edges of the brim so the left edge of section B and the right edge of section A are aligned. Pin the edges together. Flip the hat inside out and seam the first 6" of the brim using mattress stitch.

Second, flip the hat right-side out and continue seaming to the tip of the hat. If you find a small gap at the tip of the hat, draw the tail of your yarn through the stitches around the gap and pull it closed.

Weave in all ends. Block if you like.

Wear your Scotty hat while solving complex mathematical quandaries, beaming beagles through space-time, and eating sandwiches.

In which I am a giant nerd about this hat

Scotty's hat had a big day today. I wore it walking to work this morning and got some odd looks from passing motorists. I was wearing a blazer and carrying my laptop bag as well as my giant purse, and with the hat on top I must've looked like I was trekking off on some sort of adventure. As soon as I took the hat off in my office, it got tried on by Kate (Ravelry user pineapplechild).
(She's doing math. The hat is helping.)

And then it didn't get taken off for two hours, as she deemed it "squishy and delicious" and "best hat ever." I wasn't keen on having my hat stolen, but I did enjoy having the ability to bark, "Scotty, go do a round of the computer lab!"
The hat was also tried on by Matt, whose fearsome dreads give him a head circumference of about 30". It stretched more than admirably. Definitely a one-size-fits-all adult hat.
In the afternoon, the hat hung out with me in my office, where I spent my break pretending I was stationed on an arctic planet with dwindling food reserves. It's very hard to look properly annoyed about impending starvation while wearing this hat. Especially when you have trail mix in your desk drawer.

Hat has still not made significant improvements in my math or physics abilities. Though I'm suddenly finding the broken computer peripherals in my office fascinating.
Not sure if that's the fault of the hat or the caffeine.

The hat is really comfortable, and it will be hard to part with it for the meeting I've got to go to in half an hour. But I dressed up in my blazer today to look more professional, and somehow I think wearing a big floppy nerd hat might cancel out the effect I was going for. Ah, well. I'll get to wear it home and to class tonight. Provided Kate doesn't steal it while I'm out of my office, that is.

Scotty's hat is mine now!

So, remember when I said I was going to figure out how to make Scotty's hat from Star Trek?

Yeah.
Made with some Wool-Ease from my stash, which is why the color's not dead-on. It took about 350 yards and four days of mostly TV knitting (it's all garter stitch, knit flat).

So far wearing the hat has not made me better at math or physics. But I've only had it on for half an hour. The lovely and talented Miss Bex is going to proofread the pattern for me, and once I get the all-clear from her, I'll post it here.

I think I'll go home and eat a sandwich now.

My summer project

I've been looking forward to this. A while back, I promised myself that as soon as I was done with my coursework this semester, I'd dive right into this novel. It started as a short story I wrote for class last spring, then quickly grew into a longer romance/adventure/coming of age story in my head. Here's the pitch:

The Dream Doctor can bring the objects of your wildest dreams to life, for a reasonable price, and terminate them if they don't live up to the 100% money back guarantee. Brought to life as a surprise birthday present for the woman who dreams about him every night, patented Dream Doctor creation Sebastian expects to live a blissful life with his beloved dreamer, Bella. But when Bella scowls instead of swooning, Sebastian gets sent back to the shop for a refund. Kept by the Dream Doctor as an assistant, Sebastian takes on the job of checking in on the Doctor's other dream creations around the city. He forms quick bonds with two of the ill-fated dreams on his monthly house call list - a muse stuck with a short-tempered artist and a disgruntled fantasy character who wants to overthrow the dreamers. Caught between his creator and his new friends, Sebastian has to find his place in a world that wasn't meant for him - and discover if he, the man of Bella's dreams, can cast aside his programming to love someone else.

Or Your Money Back, science fiction (?), should be around 80,000 words.

I have a printout of the original short story to mark up, a 3-subject notebook to fill, a new pencil and eraser, and from now until September to enjoy Seb's most agreeable company. Ready...set...

Apocalypses final project: Character Auditions

The London Party is an apocalyptic novel I've been planning for awhile. In this apocalypse, the veil between the planes of the living and dead breaks, and humanity is all but snuffed out by the escaping flood of dead things. The story centers around a group of survivors in the British Isles who are learning to live in this new world.

My initial plan this semester was to dick around in the world of this novel. I was going to write some little snippets from different perspectives around the world, figure out the rules for this particular apocalypse, and maybe end up with a first chapter or something.

But then I started writing first-person POV vignettes from characters experiencing this apocalypse and kind of fell in love with some of them. And since the novel was planned as first person alternating POV, "dicking around in the world" turned into "auditioning first-person POV characters." I had one already picked (the character who gets the first chapter - more on her later), but I knew the whole story couldn't be told from her limited perspective, and the rest of the slots were wide open.

These are the vignettes I've posted here, in chronological order (Jacob's is about twelve hours into the apocalypse, Molly's is a few days after). Each has a link to the entry with the vignette, followed by my thoughts on the character and my decision on whether they made the cut.

Jacob Reuben, age 23
Made the cut? Yes.

Poor Jacob. He doomed himself in his first paragraph - slight emotional detachment? grim sense of humor? Rice Crispies joke? I was hooked on him immediately. I know he's got a medical science-related job, so that will give him a unique perspective on this utterly non-scientific version of the apocalypse.

I wanted to have one character who's around my age. I also wanted to have one character travel a long way to meet up with the rest of the main cast in London, and Jacob is in the perfect position to do that. He's young, able-bodied, smart, and in Paris at the time the veil breaks. Which means he's going to take a 35-mile hike through the Chunnel in the dark. I've wanted to write that since I read about the Chunnel's lasting construction properties in The World Without Us earlier this semester.

Oh, Jacob. You really shouldn't have made that Rice Crispies joke.

Gabriel Jackson, age 6
Made the cut? No.

I wanted to try out the apocalypse through a kid's eyes. Then I made myself sad. Gabe was an interesting exercise, but aside from the obvious incompatibility with the story (he's somewhere in the Bible Belt, and that location is kind of important to his character), he didn't have anything particularly special to add to the story I'm going for.

I don't think Gabe survives the apocalypse. The dead probably reach him and his mom a little while after this.

And now I've made myself sad again.

Jessie Shumaker, also age 23
Made the cut? No.

I really liked Jessie. She's got a strong voice and her own complete story within this apocalypse, including some of my favorite themes (protection of loved ones, family, Oregon Trail jokes). But her story centers around her brother - she doesn't really care about the world ending, or about her own survival. I'm not sure how well it would work to take a character with that little investment in the world at large and use her in a plot that deals with, y'know, the world at large. So I won't.

Plus she kind of pulled herself out of the running at the end of that vignette.

Thomas Lyon, age 36
Made the cut? Yes.

Thomas was slated to be in the book from the beginning, but not as a POV character. In my original idea, he's the guy who shows up early on to save Sherwood (my first POV character - more later), then gets horribly gutted by dead things thirty pages in. He's a bastard with a little heroic streak in him, and he was going to get a good martyr death.

Until I wrote him first-person.

See, I have a bit of a problem with bastard characters - I love writing them. And Thomas is a really fun bastard to write. He's snarky, grumpy, and generally kind of a dick to those around him, but he's also pretty observant and has a cool head in a crisis. I needed a character with his crisis management skills, anyway, and I had a lot of fun writing him, so his role in the story got expanded from heroic martyr to POV character.

Thomas also has a bit of a mystery about him - what's this guy do for a living? Why the knife collection? Why's he such a jerk? - and since writing his vignette I've come up with some interesting backstory for him. His history is tied in with Sherwood's, and that's going to be really important for both of them.

Out of everyone here, Thomas is easily the biggest winner. He started off as a tertiary character with a death sentence and wound up a main cast member with the most interesting history of anyone in the book.

Walt Kripke, age 43
Made the cut? No.

Walt exists because I made a one-off joke about a possessed Starbucks barista in Jacob's scene, and the idea entertained me too much not to write about it. I like to think that Búri took over this poor barista back when the dead were first filtering into the city, and the as-of-yet unpossessed news crews descended on the Starbucks hoping for a human interest story. But Walt wasn't watching the news, so he's a bit late.

I don't like Walt, and I wouldn't want to spend a whole book with him, so he's not getting any part in the novel. He probably gets throttled by Búri while he's trying to make his call and dies whining.

Molly LeFleur, age 31
Made the cut? Yes.

Emphatically yes! Molly is a lot of fun to write, and she's just what I needed for a morbid apocalyptic story: a cheerful, upbeat character who's unfazed by the dead.

For a while now, I've had an image of one of the big events of the book sketched out in my head. Half the main cast is arriving in London on a stolen bus, and when it stops outside the survivors' headquarters, a plump red-haired woman hops up the steps of the bus, a massive gun slung over her shoulder, and welcomes them to the end of the world with a grin. This is going to be Molly. She's the only person in the world who can actually kill the dead, and she's just tickled to be so useful (or she will be - not so much yet in her vignette).

Everyone who survives this apocalypse has something special about them - an ability of some sort that will be enhanced after the veil breaks and help them survive in the new world. Molly is a weapon. Jacob is a compass. Thomas has a connection to other planes, but I haven't decided yet exactly what that enables him to do or how.

Which brings us to the eyes.

Sherwood Avery, age 17 (opens a PDF)

This is the first chapter of the eventual novel. It takes place a few days before the veil breaks. The novel kicks off with Sherwood's perspective because she is, like it or not, the only living person who has any clue that something big is about to happen.

I like Sherwood. She's got a tough shell, a soft heart, and a psychic foot in the door to the end of the world. In the end, The London Party is going to be as much about Sherwood holding her family together as it is about this group of survivors holding humanity together. She's at the heart of the story in more ways than one.

Like most first chapters I write, this one will probably sit on a shelf for a year or two before I actually follow through on it and write the rest of the book. But it's started now, and it's got a cast I enjoy and the beginnings of some neat story elements. I'll definitely come back to it, someday when I have the time - I'm already excited to write more of these characters.

So I'd say this was a pretty successful audition.

Edited to add: bonus first draft scene from somewhere in the middle of the book, testing out Sherwood's POV. It's not very good, but it shows a hint at how Thomas and Sherwood are connected.

Apocalypse Snippets #6 - Molly LeFleur, age 31

Honestly, it's not so bad. Sort of peaceful, really. And my god, the advantages you can take when most of the world doesn't care what you do.

Harold Smith next door had a riding mower. Tiny little garden like his, and he had a riding mower! Buzzing around on it, he looked like the king of the neighborhood. Now it's mine. It's raining this morning, and I just let the thing sit out in the yard, watching those shiny red flanks he liked to polish collect water. Hopefully it's not rust-proof. I'd love to see it go.

Tess and me, we're watching the dogs play around it from the back patio, under the sun umbrella I got off Hattie the Hag's property down the street. Yesterday was our weekly outing into London, and we made a day of it. No one locked Harrods before the dead came out to play, and its doors were wide open, just waiting for a couple of eager shoppers like ourselves. The streets were too choked with abandoned cars to drive there, so we had to stuff three floors' worth of shopping bags into the dog trailer chained to the back of Tess's bicycle.

"How's your drink, love?" she asks, tipping her glass at me. We got the fluted champagne glasses from the antique shop down the way, before the end of consumerism, and they're excellent for raspberry martinis.

"Nearly perfect." I give her a movie starlet smile to go with my movie starlet dress from Harrods. It's deep red silk with sparkling stones sewn around the neckline. Judging by the price tag that's still hanging from my armpit, they might be actual gemstones. Every time I remember that I get the urge to snip off its sleeves and wear it as a nightgown.

Tess spent a good hour yesterday searching for her outfit. It's a smart men's suit in warm gray, with a pinstriped shirt and fuschia tie. Armani, as she proudly pointed out. I set my drink down and roll my head against the lawn chair to take her in again. "You know, that getup really suits you."

She flashes me a grin and tips the brim of an imaginary hat. "Do I look like George Clooney?"

"The spitting image," I say, laughing, even though she looks nothing like. George Clooney doesn't have that long, curly red hair and pixie face. Or those tits. My god, Armani suits them.

Tess sloshes her drink about and sips it thoughtfully. "What d'you suppose happened to George Clooney?"

"What, you mean do I think he's still alive?"

"Yeah."

"Doubt it. Some dead fangirl probably got him."

"Lucky girl."

She snorts into her glass, slightly less Clooney-esque.

Out in the garden, the dogs start yipping. On top of Kiefer, my Havanese, and Tess's brown terrier Sadie, we've now got the Topher family's fat black lab and Hattie the Hag's little inbred thing with its tongue hanging out all the time. I'd take in the neighborhood cats, but Tess is allergic. At any rate, four dogs is quite enough.

"Knock that off, will you?" I call to the pack, but they don't listen.

"What's he doing?" Tess asks, squinting across the lawn, and I spot Harold Smith - or rather, Harold Smith's evacuated husk - rolling himself over the low garden wall. He lands on one knee and pushes himself up, even more straight-backed than Smith was originally, if you can believe it. But if there was any doubt before, I'm sure now it isn't Smith in there - he walks right past his beloved riding mower and heads for the dogs.

"What the--" I start, standing up, but he startles me, lunging for the dogs. They scatter at his feet, he yells in a high-pitched, un-Smith voice--is that Russian?--and grabs for them again. The dogs begin to bark at him but don't run far, forming a lazy half-circle around the man.

"Hey, leave them alone!" I shout, grabbing the axe by the back shed. We took it from the hardware store two days ago, anticipating a winter of furniture burning.

"Mol," Tess warns, setting down her drink, "just leave it. You saw the news reports - nothing hurts those things. They're already dead."

I lower the axe to my side and pause, watching instead. She's right - if there was one thing the news hammered into us, it was that we are helpless against the dead. They are numerous, they are emotionless, and the fact that they're already dead means no one's able to kill them. Not army, not mercinaries, and certainly not a fat woman in a coctail dress.

But then un-Smith lurches forward and grabs Hattie the Hag's inbred little mutt by the ruff of its neck. The others bark and raise their hackles, Tess leans forward sharply, and my hand grips the axe handle tight, my insides gone hot.

"Drop that dog!" I shout.

un-Smith takes one look at me, sort of shrugs, and then begins walking off with the inbred little mutt, sniffing her and muttering as he walks, like he's assessing a chicken at the corner mart. Maybe that's what she is to him - dinner. I've hardly thought this before he moves his hands to her throat and begins to squeeze. The dog gives half a yipe before getting choked, and that drags me across the yard, my eyes blazing.

"OY!" I bellow, raising the axe.

"Mol, no!" Tess cries.

The thing inside Smith turns his head, and I swing the axe right into his shoulder. It feels good - and really, that's the point. I've seen people try this sort of thing on the news. He'll give me a bored look, maybe pluck the blade out of his shoulder, and move on, and I'll feel a little better because at least I tried defending the poor ugly creature against him.

But un-Smith doesn't look bored at all. When he turns toward me, his mouth hangs ajar and his eyes are wide like I'm the ghost, not him. He drops the dog, who summersaults on the grass, and gurgles slightly. That's when I notice the smoke - a thin stream of it, off-white, coming off the shoulder I hit.

un-Smith drops to the ground like a sack of beans, and the smoke rises out of him in a burst, then is gone. Then it's only Harold Smith's body lying lifeless in my garden, next to his beloved riding mower.

Tess is staring. "You--you--" she starts, and can't get any further.

I pluck the axe out of Smith's shoulder and assess it - nothing extraordinary, just the standard issue. Nothing that hasn't been tried against the dead by dozens of people before me. It clicks.

I start to laugh. Tess steps forward to bundle up Hattie the Hag's inbred little mutt in her arms, checking her over, and even though the dog's barely moving I keep laughing. I laugh until Tess lays a hand on my arm and shakes me.

"Molly," she says sharply.

I stop. I raise the axe slightly, looking down at the already congealed blood on its blade and the matching color of my ridiculous bejeweled dress-slash-future-nightgown, and I shrug helplessly at Tess, smiling. "It's me. I can kill them."

And Tess stares at me again for a second. Then she swallows and drops her hand. "I need a drink."

I sit down in the grass next to Harold Smith's body and say, "Make that two, will you?"

Sherwood shrug and Star Trek geekery

Last week I was having a hard time pinning down the protagonist's voice for the novel chapter I'm writing. Her name is Sherwood, and you'll see that chapter here in the next week, along with the last of my work for the Apocalypses class. On top of being awkward and seventeen, Sherwood has some abilities that could make her life suck rather epically, but I didn't want her to come across as dour or depressed. I wanted a fun, sarcastic, slightly world weary voice for her - something I would enjoy writing for the duration of the novel - but I just wasn't hitting it. And the draft sort of sucked.

So I cast-on for Liesl, a cute lace shrug by one of my favorite designers. I figure since I'm only writing a chapter of this novel now, a shrug's the perfect sized project to accompany it - a mini novel knit.

Knit the shrug while brainstorming for the chapter, rewrote the first scene, and ta-da! The first scene totally works, the chapter is falling into place, and I've got a cute, super-soft shrug to wear in my favorite color.

The lace pattern looks like alien skin to me, so the shrug's first outing was to the the theater to see the new Star Trek movie. Kiah and I have classy rings for this kind of event. They come from the tops of 6-pack grocery store cupcakes. We are fancy.


Star Trek was fantastic! We saw it with our friend Reed, and all three of us grinned for pretty much the entire length of the movie. I'll admit, when I first saw the trailer months ago, I dismissed it as just another flashy remake, but I'm so glad I went. The movie managed to hit a sweet spot somewhere between cheesy and bowl you over in your seat awesome. The story was strong, the characters dead-on, and the visuals stunning (slight overuse of lens flare aside). J.J. Abrams and company somehow managed to flawlessly blend the old series and this newer, shinier universe and make something that works for both old fans and Trek virgins.

To sum the movie up in two words with inappropriate dialect: frakking awesome.

Afterwards, Kiah and I did our traditional movie day Burger King stop and made giant dorks of ourselves buying collectible Spock glasses. Our cupboard is going to be very logical.

Also, I spent the latter half of the movie trying to figure out the construction of Scotty's hat. It's basically a big floppy hat knit flat in garter stitch, but with a wedge of fabric knit perpendicular to the rest of the hat. Pattern should be up here in a few days, once I figure it out.

<3 Scotty <3

One of those very important questions

A hypothetical for you:

It's 3a.m. You're lying in bed, waking up again after half a night of restless sleep. The room is dark except for a dim gray light filtering in through your window. Your skin prickles, and you realize suddenly that even though you're alone in your house tonight, you aren't alone. There's something at the foot of the bed, looming. Watching.

That thing is...

A) a ghost.

B) Snuffleupagus.
C) The Money You Could Be Saving With Geico.

poll by twiigs.com

Things to do instead of writing - #3

Sign the lease for your new apartment.

Call your mom, dad, brother, and friends to gush about the adorableness of the place, which you will be living in all by yourself for the very first time. Use the word "quirky" with Dad, because using words like "adorableness" to describe housing gives him suspicious Dad-face.

Make a budget. Make a list of things you'll need to buy new for your brand new apartment. Make a list of things you'll need which are currently in communal circulation in your rental house. Make a list of things you've borrowed from friends. Make a layout of the apartment on graph paper and use tiny sticky note cut-outs to pre-arrange your furniture five different ways. Make a list of things you will need to buy or make to decorate your new bathroom like one of the tacky themed motel rooms on Supernatural.

Realize you are obsessing.

Have a cup of tea. Do some homework. Watch some TV. Avoid your lists and graph paper and bizarre decorating schemes.

...then find a retro motel wall clock on ebay.

Yeah, you're screwed.

Sketchy - Seb character design

Cart master: "Bring out yer dead!"

Muse: "Here's one."

Writer: "I'm not dead!"

Cart master: "'Ere, she says she's not dead."

Muse: "She is!"

Writer: "I'm not!"

Cart master: "She isn't?"

Muse: "Well, she will be soon. She hasn't written anything usable in a week."

Writer: "I'm getting better!"

Muse: "No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment."

Cart master: "Well, I can't take her like that. 'S against regulations."

Writer: "I don't want to go on the cart!"

Anyway.

The moment I'm no longer buried in school, I'll start writing Seb and his godawful sandals.